Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
