goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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