I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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