I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
