Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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