Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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