i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
