I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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