Michael Bay diarrhea
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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