I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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