hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
