I hate your face
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
