dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
