I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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