you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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