I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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