In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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