I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
