Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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