what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
