dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
