you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
