I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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