P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
the raccoons are back...
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