Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
