I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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