FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
