70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
