Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
