just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
