Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
