her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
