i was born a porn star she said
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
