Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
