All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
