Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.

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(301): Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/igis

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(650): View more from California

Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite

(650): View more from California

Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good

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(650): Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite (650): Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good http://tfl.nu/6hx1

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(847): View more from Illinois

I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How was it?

(847): View more from Illinois

Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk

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(505): View more from New Mexico

When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?

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(505): When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward? http://tfl.nu/82ih

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(330): View more from Ohio

im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes

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(330): im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes http://tfl.nu/3pbg

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

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(781): My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss http://tfl.nu/yqt0

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(366): View more from

just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

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(366): just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her. http://tfl.nu/eijl

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.

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(205): I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/44vh

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(719): View more from Colorado

I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.

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(719): I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed. http://tfl.nu/z9qp

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(301): View more from Maryland

A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.

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(301): A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero. http://tfl.nu/wa7o

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(228): View more from Mississippi

He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..

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(228): He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room.. http://tfl.nu/jg6e

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.

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(918): Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either. http://tfl.nu/yx3m

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(419): View more from Ohio

That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

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(419): That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself. http://tfl.nu/02m3

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock

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(832): I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock http://tfl.nu/sqvr

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(925): View more from California

A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.

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(925): A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/wou7

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