ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
