My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it