Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...