My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?