I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
