I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
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Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying