Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
