Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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