So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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