I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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