i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
