every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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