you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize