Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just pee around me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
