The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
