Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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