I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
