What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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