Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
