Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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