Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
