so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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