She said her name was "party"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
