I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
