I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
