I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
