just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
