If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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