Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
