I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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