I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
