Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize