Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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