is your mom at the bar?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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