the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
