Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
