"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
