quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
