I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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