My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
