god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You are a genius and a whore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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