Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
