How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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