Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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