No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
