Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
