Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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